Insecurities

Sometimes the things that are pressed on my heart to write about are things that have been written about a thousand times before by countless people who know more than I do, have a better vocabulary and a higher platform. And sometimes I let the voices of “your words won’t be any different or matter” win, and sometimes I don’t. You see, my voice is unique. I talked about how my voice matters in my last blog, but my voice is also unique to me - to my experiences and to who I am woven to be. Nothing about me is anything like you. And that is pretty cool.

I’ve been trying to be more aware of my insecurities lately. Not so I can dwell on them or give them any unnecessary attention, but so I can pinpoint what they are and move away from them. Sometimes though, I don’t even know what those things are because they are such old feelings that I can’t even pinpoint their origin or even attach them to any one specific thing. It’s like muscle memory, but not in a good way.

Ok … here is some real truth. A truth I do not speak often for one reason or another.  I like me. I kinda think I’m really awesome. Like really awesome. I think I have my junk together. I think I’m cute and healthy. I think my clothes fit pretty well. I think I’m smart and funny and I handle myself well around people. I think I love well. I am impressively loyal. I have amazing God given gifts. I am confident about who I am when I am by myself.

BUT...

My history has dictated other things. People have made fun of me and bullied me. People have told me the counter to every one of those things I mentioned above. I have been told I was ugly. I have been told I had a terrible laugh. I have been left in relationships and friendships and all the in between, and sometimes those things make me doubt all the things I actually do believe about myself.

You see, we are born with certain dispositions. We acquire others along the way. We can either correct those things right away or allow them to fester. And unfortunately I allowed a lot of untruths to fester in my life. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties before I started doing something about those wounds, and wounds like that take time to heal. And sometimes we pick at the scabs.

But if I want to get over my insecurities, whatever they may be, I have to get rid of my insecurities. Sometimes that requires physical work, but more often for me it is mental work. I have to replace the lies I’ve told myself, or that have been told to me, with truth. But I have to do it. No one can do it for me. No one can speak enough truth into your life if you refuse to listen to it and believe it. Believing it and putting in the work are up to me.

You have to put in the work. No one wants to put in the work anymore, or maybe no one ever did.

If I want to lose weight I have to eat better and go to the gym. Plain and simple. If I want to feel secure in my skin I have to do the work of daily replacing the lies. Sounds so easy, but it’s not. As soon as I tell myself a truth, the world tells me another lie. It’s hard to keep up. But I’m going to put the work in to keep up.

I refuse to be “less than” anymore. Less than who the Lord made me to be. And you should refuse it too. We all have a great purpose here. Each one of us has a role we were made specifically for, to keep the whole system running peacefully. Everything gets off track when we believe the lies. Unfortunately, most of us believe the lies. Thus the state of the world.

So, what do you need to put work into today? What are your dreams and goals that need your attention? What have you been telling yourself, or who have you been listening to that is holding you back? 

Find someone who will speak truth into your insecurities and someone you will actually listen to when they speak. Find someone trustworthy to speak your truth to. Allow yourself to be accountable to them. When you find this person hold them close, appreciate them, and never let them go. Trust me.

Watch as things unfold and change in your heart and life, but you have to do the work. No one can do it for you.