The After

I want to write a follow up to my last post, because that is the beauty of walking the journey with each other. I love the quote, “We’re just walking each other home” because I find it to be so very true. Isn’t that what we are doing? Walking each other, hand in hand, through this bittersweet life.

I like reflecting on the before, during, and after. I can go back to times of the before and taste the honey, I can look at the during and taste the vinegar, and I can come to the after and be quenched by the water. It’s all necessary in the plot of this story. One cannot exist without the other.

I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days, while in the process of reading “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp (do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just go buy this book right now), about those little tin can lanterns you can make or buy. You know the ones? The ones with the patterns made by tiny holes being punched into the tin. I was thinking about joy, and I was thinking that my heart over the last few months (years?) has been that tin can. Ridged and hard from life. From a life of ingratitude. From so many things of my own doing and also many things that were not my choice. But how joy is like just one tiny hole punched in the tin of my heart one at a time. And when those holes are punched they emit enough light to light up an entire room. The more holes, the more light. The more joy, the more light.

Punch by punch the joy begins to flow. Hope begins to rise. Ashes become beautiful.

That is the love of Christ. That we would see all things in life, the bitter and the sweet, as his love for us. It’s hard to see that when your heart is a tin can. So, I understand the during. It can’t all be before and after, we have to walk through.

I realized through this season that I cannot pray for the salvation of other human souls without, in the same breath, praying for my own. I am a lost, confused, beautiful soul. I need the prayer for life as much as anyone. And I’m not afraid to ask for salvation and clarity for myself over and over again.

So as I emerge into the after, I want to encourage you that there IS an after. Nothing about my circumstances have changed. The miracle I’ve been praying for? Hasn’t happened yet (yet!). But nonetheless, the light is shining through. And when I walk through the during again, because I will, I will remember that eventually the holes will be punched out again. The light is still inside there.

 I hope if you are in “the during” you can find some comfort in knowing that that light still blazes bright inside of you. It isn’t lost. It’s just covered. And sometimes it’s ok for that to happen. And eventually, in the right time, punch by punch your light will flood a room with brilliant light and beautiful design.