Distracted on Purpose

Some of you know that I ran a half marathon in January. It was maybe one of the best days of my life. Not because I accomplished something pretty awesome, but because my family was there cheering for me. Seriously, my eyes get all misty just thinking about that day and all the love they showed me (and the fact that my picture was in the paper, but whatever). Anyways, I got injured training for the 13.1 and ran in pain a lot of the way. So, after it was over, and I had done my victory dance (while limping), I didn't run for months. I started working on strengthening, but couldn't run. It was really bumming me out. But I am happy to say the pain is 99% gone and I'm hitting the pavement again.

I woke up early this morning. That's what happens when you start getting older. Your body clock gets set and it won't budge. But I love the mornings. I think I've said that before, but it's true. The mornings are literally my jam. I give myself so much more grace in the mornings. I see things through rose colored glasses. I guess it's because I have yet to discover my best friend is in a bad mood, or that my pants shrunk in the dryer, or realized my soufflé has fallen (that literally happens to me). You know, life hasn't happened yet that early in the morning. Just as the Lord's mercies are new every morning, my mercies for myself are new. So I like to take advantage of that.

So, I got out of bed and went for a run around campus before I had to get ready for church. And it got me thinking .....

I am lucky to have lived the majority of my childhood without digital distractions. Because of that I am very nostalgic for smells and sounds of a quiet life. When I need a safe place to go in my head I often will remember what life was like in my home we lived in in Kosciusko. I remember the way the grass smelled when dad would cut it. I remember the sound of the tree frogs and the crickets at dusk as we played in the front yard or sat on the screened in back porch. I remember the feel of the bark on the old Magnolia tree we climbed in my next door neighbors yard.

We live in a distracted world. TV on demand, computers, phones, text messages that never get a response, apps that tell you how lame your life is, etc. None of these things are necessarily bad, in fact they are extremely good, but distracting nonetheless. I even use a sound machine at night to drown out the sound of natural life. I don’t want to be woken up in the middle of the night by the ice machine that has just dropped ice in the freezer or the settling of my house. I want to drown it all out. I want to be distracted even as I sleep.

So last night, before I turned on my sound machine, I just sat in my bed in the quiet and read. I listened to the dryer roll around and around as it was drying my clothes and thought about all of the sounds I miss out on on a daily basis, not on purpose.

So as I ran this morning. I just listed to the sounds. The cars driving by, the birds that were happy and some that seemed angry at each other (birds do that too, huh?), my own heartbeat. I talked to the Lord and thanked him for these moments. The moments where the temperature is close to perfect. The fact that I am healthy and happy. The beautiful blue in the sky. I thanked him for the future things in my life that have not yet happened. My future husband. My future adventures. My future friends. My future house with a yard and a porch (please Lord, please!). The growing and the changing of my life and my heart.

I think far too often I don’t appreciate the goodness until it is gone. So today I wanted to make sure to thank the Lord for all of these things and to be present in these things, because tomorrow it could be different. And if it ever is different I want to know that I took full advantage of it while I had it. Even as I mourn the absence of things I so desire, I want to look back on when I did have some of these things with gratitude. I want to be present in the moments enough to be able to be grateful and not say, “I wish I had appreciated it more.” I want to appreciate it when I have it and be able to appreciate it even in its absence. I hope that’s the way I will be with all of my life.

I am trying to be more still. To be less distracted. To look at my phone less. I’ve deleted apps on my phone that were not causing me anything but anxiety. It’s hard to step away from it all, but sometimes it’s what’s needed. Sometimes we need to purposefully not be distracted so we can hear ourselves again. The distraction breeds the need for approval from others. It silences our own hearts. We forget how amazing we are. There is only one of you and you only get one shot at this.

If I seem distant, it is only because I am living fully present in a life that isn’t as distracted as the world around me for now. I am trying to remember how to love the Lord my God with ALL of my heart, with ALL of my soul, and with ALL of my mind and to love my neighbor (in the flesh not over social media) as myself.

xo,

Krystal