Thank you for joining me on this very eloquently titled blog today. I thought long and hard about a better title, but this one just stuck and honestly says everything that needs to be said.
My heart’s posture over the last few months has been so sweet that I haven’t really had things to say out loud. Sometimes the heart feels what it cannot say. And sometimes I really like it like that. But how can I keep all of this to myself? I cannot.
You see, I’m a long time cohabitant of anxiety. It’s in my fibers and has always been with me. And I used to hate it, but I have grown to find its purpose. I have found ways to deal with it that are truly wonderful, and I have learned to look at its benefits and not its downfalls as much. I see it now as something that the Lord has helped me prune and understand. Which in turn, takes the power out of it.
While allowing the Lord to do what he does, (I should insert that I have seriously thrown MANY toddler style tantrums during the process. It’s super attractive.) I have realized how big he really is. By realizing this I can see my entire life shifting. You see, for so long I have lived with feeling that felt too big, situations that felt like nothing could change them, hurts that were so great that I knew the pain would never end, and even joys that were so strong I thought I would explode confetti. But all of those things are nothing compared to the power of Jesus.
This might sound like a kindergarten Sunday school lesson, but this is a lesson this middle aged woman needed to understand to believe. So now, when I feel something in my gut that feels bigger than the universe, when I feel pain that I think will kill me, when I have questions that will never be answered, when I am so happy I want to run around town like a crazy person I take 10 seconds to understand that the power of the Lord is so much greater and so much more purposeful than any feeling or event that will ever happen in my life.
I don’t know how that makes you feel, but it makes me relax. It makes me truly (FINALLY) understand that the Lord has everything under his control. There is nothing I can do, feel, say, or try to understand that he doesn’t already have complete control over.
My feelings are never too big for him. And that is something I have been waiting my whole life to understand.
Today just happens to be Good Friday. I truly love this day. There is something about the humanity of the Lord that comes to life for me. You see, on this day, Jesus felt something that was bigger than him, he had questions that didn’t get answered, he had physical pain that none of us will ever understand because please don’t forget that although he was God, he was also human in the flesh. But you know what he knew? He knew that God, his Father, was bigger than it all. And he knew that the plan and purpose was bigger than what his gut was telling him. He knew he would rise and a greater purpose would be fulfilled.
My sweet friends, we will rise too. We will rise one day and be with our Father. And all of this that is happening down here is under his control.
Rest. Relax. Enjoy. For the Lord knows exactly what he is doing and will never ever take his eyes and caring love away from you.
Comments
Post a Comment