Do you ever have themes come up in your life and they keep coming up over and over again? That's been happening to me a lot lately. The topic of prayer has come up multiple times with friends over the last few months. I was asked a few times how I pray. My answer, "I talk to Him like I'm talking to you." I also write (ok type because my handwriting gets on my nerves) out some of my deepest prayers so that I can look back on them in the days and years to come to see the way He comforts me and makes beauty from the ashes.
I thought I'd share from my prayer "journal" today so you can get a sense of what my prayers look and feel like. It's not always pretty (this one is a lot prettier than most, you'll never see the ugly ones). But, maybe it can help you begin the journey of communication and communion with the Lord in honest prayer.
xo
10-24-17
The funny thing about healing is that it is both wonderful and terrible at the same time. It’s wonderful, of course, because the joy returns. The lights come back on. I feel You closer, but not forced closer. Just closer like a friend that I don’t have to try too hard to be around.
The terrible thing is that I recognize the closed door and I realize that it isn’t going to open again. The healing starts with the sound of the lock clicking.
And although hope is welling up, some hope is also gone. But the hope that is gone is birthing new hope. That can be painful. Birth is always painful. The woman cries, the ground splits. New life means pain, but then joy allows you to forget the pain and you want to do it all over again (or so I am told).
But You have done this. You know that, right? Of course You do. You have cultivated the healing process in me. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how long it would take, and goodness knows it isn’t over, but it has begun and the joy is returning.
I’m still putting too much into approval of others. Approval feels so good. Affirmation of who I am lights a spark. Acknowledgement of beauty or character helps me smile, but I shouldn’t put stock in it. I know the people saying these things will let me down. It’s only a matter of time.
Only You matter. Only Your voice and Your hand and Your affirmation matter. It’s nice to rest in that when I can actually come to grips with it. To know that this life is simple because it’s really just me and You. And if it is just me and You I think I can be ok with that. I’m becoming ok with that. It’s a process, forgive me.
I know that what You have for me is great. I know You have plans for me that I cannot see or imagine. I know I have a lot to offer and You will find the perfect place for me to give that offering. At first I might only be able to offer what little I have, but as I trust in You I will be able to give more than just my 10%.
There is great joy to be found in this moment with You. Excitement about tomorrow. I read something this morning that said, “Be today who you want to be tomorrow.” Help me to do that, Lord. Actually, let me rephrase that …. Do that in me and help me to follow through.
Lord, do what I cannot do. Start what I cannot start. Stop what I cannot stop.
But most of all, be what I cannot be.
Help me know You better.
Amen
I thought I'd share from my prayer "journal" today so you can get a sense of what my prayers look and feel like. It's not always pretty (this one is a lot prettier than most, you'll never see the ugly ones). But, maybe it can help you begin the journey of communication and communion with the Lord in honest prayer.
xo
10-24-17
The funny thing about healing is that it is both wonderful and terrible at the same time. It’s wonderful, of course, because the joy returns. The lights come back on. I feel You closer, but not forced closer. Just closer like a friend that I don’t have to try too hard to be around.
The terrible thing is that I recognize the closed door and I realize that it isn’t going to open again. The healing starts with the sound of the lock clicking.
And although hope is welling up, some hope is also gone. But the hope that is gone is birthing new hope. That can be painful. Birth is always painful. The woman cries, the ground splits. New life means pain, but then joy allows you to forget the pain and you want to do it all over again (or so I am told).
But You have done this. You know that, right? Of course You do. You have cultivated the healing process in me. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how long it would take, and goodness knows it isn’t over, but it has begun and the joy is returning.
I’m still putting too much into approval of others. Approval feels so good. Affirmation of who I am lights a spark. Acknowledgement of beauty or character helps me smile, but I shouldn’t put stock in it. I know the people saying these things will let me down. It’s only a matter of time.
Only You matter. Only Your voice and Your hand and Your affirmation matter. It’s nice to rest in that when I can actually come to grips with it. To know that this life is simple because it’s really just me and You. And if it is just me and You I think I can be ok with that. I’m becoming ok with that. It’s a process, forgive me.
I know that what You have for me is great. I know You have plans for me that I cannot see or imagine. I know I have a lot to offer and You will find the perfect place for me to give that offering. At first I might only be able to offer what little I have, but as I trust in You I will be able to give more than just my 10%.
There is great joy to be found in this moment with You. Excitement about tomorrow. I read something this morning that said, “Be today who you want to be tomorrow.” Help me to do that, Lord. Actually, let me rephrase that …. Do that in me and help me to follow through.
Lord, do what I cannot do. Start what I cannot start. Stop what I cannot stop.
But most of all, be what I cannot be.
Help me know You better.
Amen
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