I’ve had a hard time in my life trying to align my desires with God’s desires. It just always feels like we are on two different pages. I want to love and be loved by a hunk of a man and so far all I’ve gotten from the Lord is silence in this area. It’s the most frustrating and heartbreaking thing in my life. I am sure that anyone who has walked through [terribly long and frustrating] seasons of life where prayers were met with radio silence can relate. It’s universal, I am not alone in these feelings.
My prayer has always been, “Lord change my heart. Change my desires to your desires.” And that’s a perfectly good and honest prayer that is heard and cherished by the Lord, but last week as I talked with Anj (my therapist) about my heart and my desires and my frustration she told me to pray, “Lord, give me your desires.”
So what’s the difference in those two prayers? A lot in my eyes, actually.
When I’m praying “Lord, change my heart. Change my desires to your desires.” Basically what I’m saying is that I think my desires are better than His, but if He wants to change them to what he wants, then go for it. It’s gonna hurt like the dickens and I’m going to hate it, but change my heart so it looks more like what you want it to look like since clearly how it looks now isn’t any good. It's cynical.
I’m shaking my head right now.
When I’m praying “Lord, give me your desires.” I am able to open up my hands and receive a gift. I am able to say, my desires are still alive and well, but if you can give me yours then I can probably get rid of mine, willingly. When I’m asking for this gift it’s because I want it, not because I feel like my other feelings are rotten and need to go.
See the difference? One is forceful and one is gentle. One is filled with bitterness and arrogance. The other is filled with love and hope.
I’m choosing love and hope. I’m choosing the gift.
Lord, give me your desires. Whatever they may be.
So what’s the difference in those two prayers? A lot in my eyes, actually.
When I’m praying “Lord, change my heart. Change my desires to your desires.” Basically what I’m saying is that I think my desires are better than His, but if He wants to change them to what he wants, then go for it. It’s gonna hurt like the dickens and I’m going to hate it, but change my heart so it looks more like what you want it to look like since clearly how it looks now isn’t any good. It's cynical.
I’m shaking my head right now.
When I’m praying “Lord, give me your desires.” I am able to open up my hands and receive a gift. I am able to say, my desires are still alive and well, but if you can give me yours then I can probably get rid of mine, willingly. When I’m asking for this gift it’s because I want it, not because I feel like my other feelings are rotten and need to go.
See the difference? One is forceful and one is gentle. One is filled with bitterness and arrogance. The other is filled with love and hope.
I’m choosing love and hope. I’m choosing the gift.
Lord, give me your desires. Whatever they may be.
*Photo taken in the Mississippi Delta on a road trip I took on 7/23/16
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