Sundays are when I feel my most alone. It's always been this way. No matter what zip code my mail has been delivered to, Sundays always remind me of the season of life I'm in, and I've been in this season for awhile. This is not a new feeling for me.
What makes this Sunday a little bit harder to swallow is that it's Mother's Day and as much as I love celebrating my mother and all the mothers out there, I have this lump in my throat when I think about myself as a mother. There is no guarantee that that will ever happen, and as each year seems to move faster than the last I have to face the reality of it all.
Being single is the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for in my life. I could give you all the cliché reasons why, but I'll spare you. It's just been good to me. But I'm growing a little weary.*
As I sit in this beautiful home and look out at the sun as it's starting to rest for the night, I can't help but wish I was sitting here with someone. Alone is great, but together is better.
I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on things. On parts of myself that haven't been unearthed yet. Like there is more joy to be found.
I often ask the Lord "When?" and "Why?" and I am always reminded that He is already all I need. And I believe that with my whole heart and hold to that truth so dearly, but I am still sitting here alone.
So Mother's Day and Sundays are not always super fun for me. I try to take these quiet moments and feel all that I need to feel and pray all the words my heart can muster up. I cry when I need to cry and laugh about it too.
I hope someday Sundays are not so lonely and I hope someday the Lord will allow me to hold my own child and know all the emotions of being a mother.
And as I told my friend the other day "I'm holding on to the hope [of being married] for sure. I'll hang on to it until the day I die if I have to."
And I will.
*This is NOT my request for you to set me up on dates. Thank you though.
What makes this Sunday a little bit harder to swallow is that it's Mother's Day and as much as I love celebrating my mother and all the mothers out there, I have this lump in my throat when I think about myself as a mother. There is no guarantee that that will ever happen, and as each year seems to move faster than the last I have to face the reality of it all.
Being single is the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for in my life. I could give you all the cliché reasons why, but I'll spare you. It's just been good to me. But I'm growing a little weary.*
As I sit in this beautiful home and look out at the sun as it's starting to rest for the night, I can't help but wish I was sitting here with someone. Alone is great, but together is better.
I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on things. On parts of myself that haven't been unearthed yet. Like there is more joy to be found.
I often ask the Lord "When?" and "Why?" and I am always reminded that He is already all I need. And I believe that with my whole heart and hold to that truth so dearly, but I am still sitting here alone.
So Mother's Day and Sundays are not always super fun for me. I try to take these quiet moments and feel all that I need to feel and pray all the words my heart can muster up. I cry when I need to cry and laugh about it too.
I hope someday Sundays are not so lonely and I hope someday the Lord will allow me to hold my own child and know all the emotions of being a mother.
And as I told my friend the other day "I'm holding on to the hope [of being married] for sure. I'll hang on to it until the day I die if I have to."
And I will.
*This is NOT my request for you to set me up on dates. Thank you though.
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