I moved back to Starkville almost exactly 3 months ago. Funny how every time I've moved I've always felt like I settled back in so quickly that it feels like I've been here forever. I make my home very quickly physically and I think that sometimes I trick my emotions into thinking I've been here longer than I have. I am often always too hard on myself about where I "should" be by this point in my new journey.
I'm a perfectionist. So, I'm either going to do something perfectly or I'm not going to do it at all. Because in my mind, if you don't totally succeed you have totally failed. And that gets me in a lot of trouble.
I've seen it in every job I've ever had and I'm seeing in myself in so many areas since I've moved. I have zero motivation to do anything really. Working out is just one example every one can relate to. I was in it all the way in Charlotte and Nashville and now that I'm here and feeling like Starkville has the poorest fitness center options on the planet I have no motivation. Because ... if I can't do it all perfectly at a nice gym then why do it at all?
That's just one example. This bleeds over into so many areas of my life.
I was talking about this with Anj (my therapist extortioner) and per usual she said something simple that made total sense. She told me that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be good enough. At first I was like "Good enough sounds lame. Good enough sounds like something slackers want to be." But the truth is that I don't have to bust my butt and my emotions every stinking day to be enough for myself or for my family or for anyone. I am good enough just as I am. I am good and I am enough. I've never felt like I was enough for anyone. I've always felt lacking. So to take a step back from it all and realize that I don't HAVE to be is a relief.
So maybe now I can take some of the pressure off and begin living in my skin that is good enough. So what if I don't work out 6 days a week? 1 day a week is good enough. So what if I don't eat healthy every day of the week? A few days a week is good enough. So what if I don't do everything at work perfectly? Trying to do my best is good enough.
God has a fulfilling plan for my life that is good and is enough!
I'm a perfectionist. So, I'm either going to do something perfectly or I'm not going to do it at all. Because in my mind, if you don't totally succeed you have totally failed. And that gets me in a lot of trouble.
I've seen it in every job I've ever had and I'm seeing in myself in so many areas since I've moved. I have zero motivation to do anything really. Working out is just one example every one can relate to. I was in it all the way in Charlotte and Nashville and now that I'm here and feeling like Starkville has the poorest fitness center options on the planet I have no motivation. Because ... if I can't do it all perfectly at a nice gym then why do it at all?
That's just one example. This bleeds over into so many areas of my life.
I was talking about this with Anj (my therapist extortioner) and per usual she said something simple that made total sense. She told me that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be good enough. At first I was like "Good enough sounds lame. Good enough sounds like something slackers want to be." But the truth is that I don't have to bust my butt and my emotions every stinking day to be enough for myself or for my family or for anyone. I am good enough just as I am. I am good and I am enough. I've never felt like I was enough for anyone. I've always felt lacking. So to take a step back from it all and realize that I don't HAVE to be is a relief.
So maybe now I can take some of the pressure off and begin living in my skin that is good enough. So what if I don't work out 6 days a week? 1 day a week is good enough. So what if I don't eat healthy every day of the week? A few days a week is good enough. So what if I don't do everything at work perfectly? Trying to do my best is good enough.
God has a fulfilling plan for my life that is good and is enough!
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