When Your Heart Changes

I’ve lived the majority of my life trying to gain the approval of others.

I feel like we probably all have.

Up to a certain point there wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t trying to gain the approval and acceptance of my family, friends, co-workers, etc. And let me just let you in on a secret – it’s exhausting!

Trying to be who others want you to be and who you think others want you to be will wear you out. Literally. I was waking up on a daily basis tired, but I wasn’t sure why. I had slept 8+ hours. I was well fed and hydrated. I was overall happy with my life. And then it hit me. I cannot continue to live my life looking for approval from others.

So I stopped. (Easier said than done.)

I starting spending more time with the Lord than on my phone. I started staying up later at night to spend time in the Word. I started taking time to be quite and listen to the Lord. And you know what happened, my heart changed. And I fell in love with the Lord.

I always thought the concept of falling in love with the Lord was silly. How was I supposed to feel the same way about God that I did about a cute boy? Ludicrous. But it isn’t. It happens and it’s real. I’ve never actually been in love with a guy, but this … this is the real deal.

So now I can sit in quiet confidence in who the Lord made me to be. Exactly as I am. I had a moment today where I thought, “If I’m single because I’m not attractive to the human eye (I said IF). Who the heck even cares? My value in the only One who matters is the highest it could be. He made me. He woos me. He looks at me and sees something perfect!” If people don’t want to hang out with me or continue friendships with me because I’m different than they are, who cares? Who the heck even cares?

When I think of not being loved as I wish by others now, my heart doesn’t sink, I don’t feel sick. I feel comfortable and content with it.

I weep tears on a daily basis (not exaggerating) for how far the Lord has led me and how dearly I love Him. How completely He has transformed me just within the last 6 months. From a once very terribly insecure girl who was looking for love everywhere and felt like she would never be enough, to a strong confident woman who knows she is enough and knows the Lord will reveal His will according to His wonderful purpose!