I was bullied as a kid and all the way into my teenage years. It got worse the older I got ... the bullying turned into verbal abuse and it started to change who I was inside.
The truth is that I have no idea why this happened to me. All I know is that it started as early as I can remember and lasted until I was out of high school. It's like I had a sign on my forehead that said, "Bully me. I can take it."
But I couldn't take it.
After I graduated from high school a friend of mine, who actually took part in the bullying, told me that they picked on me because they thought I could take it. They thought I had it all figured out and they thought that what they were saying wasn't even bothering me. Seriously?
Little did they know I was dying inside little by little. I became defined by everything those people said I was. They called me ugly so I thought I was ugly. They said I was stupid so I thought I was stupid. They said I was a loser and I thought I was a loser. And I started living my life as if I was those things.
I stopped dreaming about the things I could possibly accomplish in life. I stopped really believing in myself. I gave up and just started going through the motions of life. I settled for what was right in front of me instead of dreaming for the very best.
It took me almost 10 years of therapy to realize that these people were just dumb teenagers. It's almost embarrassing now to realize how much time I wasted on these people and how much of who I am today is defined by them.
But ....
That's how powerful words are.
Be careful with your words. Stand up for people who need it. Believe in yourself even through the darkest times.
I'm living proof that you can overcome these things. That you can turn your thinking around. I really love who I am now. I know the Lord created me just perfectly!
And ... I'm in the process of dreaming again ... or maybe for the first time. It feels a little weird, but I'm excited about it.
I just want you all to know that there is healing to be found in all situations that are thrown at you and there is great hope in the Lord! Listen to HIS words.
In His words you will find hope, healing, and love.
The truth is that I have no idea why this happened to me. All I know is that it started as early as I can remember and lasted until I was out of high school. It's like I had a sign on my forehead that said, "Bully me. I can take it."
But I couldn't take it.
After I graduated from high school a friend of mine, who actually took part in the bullying, told me that they picked on me because they thought I could take it. They thought I had it all figured out and they thought that what they were saying wasn't even bothering me. Seriously?
Little did they know I was dying inside little by little. I became defined by everything those people said I was. They called me ugly so I thought I was ugly. They said I was stupid so I thought I was stupid. They said I was a loser and I thought I was a loser. And I started living my life as if I was those things.
I stopped dreaming about the things I could possibly accomplish in life. I stopped really believing in myself. I gave up and just started going through the motions of life. I settled for what was right in front of me instead of dreaming for the very best.
It took me almost 10 years of therapy to realize that these people were just dumb teenagers. It's almost embarrassing now to realize how much time I wasted on these people and how much of who I am today is defined by them.
But ....
That's how powerful words are.
Be careful with your words. Stand up for people who need it. Believe in yourself even through the darkest times.
I'm living proof that you can overcome these things. That you can turn your thinking around. I really love who I am now. I know the Lord created me just perfectly!
And ... I'm in the process of dreaming again ... or maybe for the first time. It feels a little weird, but I'm excited about it.
I just want you all to know that there is healing to be found in all situations that are thrown at you and there is great hope in the Lord! Listen to HIS words.
In His words you will find hope, healing, and love.
Love you, Krystal!
ReplyDeleteLove this post Krystal. I totally sympathize with this, and understand the struggle to find yourself apart from what it is you were told you were by people who didn't know you. I've struggled to find my footing from being knocked down so many times as a kid and teenager.
ReplyDeleteIts sad that those scares we obtained then can still keep us from being who we're supposed to be years and decades later. At 30, I've finally started to realize who i am apart from the pain I was inflicted in my youth, and instead finally feeling like who I am. Words cut deeper than a knife, and its a scare that takes a longer time to heal.
Thanks for your words and post.