The problem with feelings is that we have them.
Yep.
I should end this blog here and bid you goodbye. But I like the fact that you are reading this far too much for me to walk away now. Call me self-centered. See if it bothers me ...... ok don’t. It would bother me and then I would have to write a blog about how I am not self-centered. Don’t make me do it.
The last few weeks have been the same as some weeks before. And when I say this I mean ... I’ve felt kinda funny like I have before. It’s typically the same thing that makes me feel this way ... boys.
There. I admit it. I’m 29. I’m single ... and boys make me cry.
Whew. I feel better already. Shocking revelation.
Funny thing though, the said boys don’t even know they are making me cry. They have NO idea. Sometimes I cry over boys that don’t even exist. I mean, most of the time I cry at the lack of them.
I think I’m pretty good at being single and keeping my cool. I realize that a man won’t complete me. He won’t make everything better. I know all the cute quotes about the kind of man I deserve and the kind of woman I should be while waiting for him ... but goodness gracious ... one thing I am good at is loving people and sometimes I can’t wait to love someone. Truly, madly, deeply (remember that song? I hated that song). It’s just in me and I can’t seem to shake it. I’ve tried.
I’ve tried to convince myself that being single is what the Lord has for me. I’ve tried to shove those feelings so far down that no one would be able to find them. I’ve hidden them under other problems like the fact that I think my thighs are fat (another blog for another day) and I’ve had moments of victory over them. The rest of the moments are fake.
One thing I do believe, though is that I can still have joy while wanting something so badly. I don’t have to fake being happy being single. I don’t.
The truth is that I am as happy as one can be. I’m joyful and excited but I’d like to share my life with someone. Truth.
I'm not even asking that someone come and sweep me off my feet and allow me to stay at home and be barefoot and pregnant. That isn't what I'm saying here ... let's just make that clear. I'm just excited to love someone. Totally excited.
So really the last few weeks have just felt like a bit of a fog trying to get to the root of these feelings. I realize that I am living my life in waiting and I can’t do that. I have to live as if today is all there is. I want to live as if today is it. I have to quit sabotaging myself and just live and live well.
So right now I am going to live as if this is it and say that my feelings are real and relevant and the crushes I have on boys feel fun, like I am 14 again. And at 29 anything to help me feel 14 sounds GREAT. And I’ll also say that through this I know good and well that the Lord has a plan. And if that plan doesn’t look anything like what my heart desires then I pray my heart changes. I pray it every second of the day.
I don’t want to have to walk around faking my feelings.
The problem with feelings is that we have them ... and then we feel like we have to hide them.
That’s the problem with feelings.
Yep.
I should end this blog here and bid you goodbye. But I like the fact that you are reading this far too much for me to walk away now. Call me self-centered. See if it bothers me ...... ok don’t. It would bother me and then I would have to write a blog about how I am not self-centered. Don’t make me do it.
The last few weeks have been the same as some weeks before. And when I say this I mean ... I’ve felt kinda funny like I have before. It’s typically the same thing that makes me feel this way ... boys.
There. I admit it. I’m 29. I’m single ... and boys make me cry.
Whew. I feel better already. Shocking revelation.
Funny thing though, the said boys don’t even know they are making me cry. They have NO idea. Sometimes I cry over boys that don’t even exist. I mean, most of the time I cry at the lack of them.
I think I’m pretty good at being single and keeping my cool. I realize that a man won’t complete me. He won’t make everything better. I know all the cute quotes about the kind of man I deserve and the kind of woman I should be while waiting for him ... but goodness gracious ... one thing I am good at is loving people and sometimes I can’t wait to love someone. Truly, madly, deeply (remember that song? I hated that song). It’s just in me and I can’t seem to shake it. I’ve tried.
I’ve tried to convince myself that being single is what the Lord has for me. I’ve tried to shove those feelings so far down that no one would be able to find them. I’ve hidden them under other problems like the fact that I think my thighs are fat (another blog for another day) and I’ve had moments of victory over them. The rest of the moments are fake.
One thing I do believe, though is that I can still have joy while wanting something so badly. I don’t have to fake being happy being single. I don’t.
The truth is that I am as happy as one can be. I’m joyful and excited but I’d like to share my life with someone. Truth.
I'm not even asking that someone come and sweep me off my feet and allow me to stay at home and be barefoot and pregnant. That isn't what I'm saying here ... let's just make that clear. I'm just excited to love someone. Totally excited.
So really the last few weeks have just felt like a bit of a fog trying to get to the root of these feelings. I realize that I am living my life in waiting and I can’t do that. I have to live as if today is all there is. I want to live as if today is it. I have to quit sabotaging myself and just live and live well.
So right now I am going to live as if this is it and say that my feelings are real and relevant and the crushes I have on boys feel fun, like I am 14 again. And at 29 anything to help me feel 14 sounds GREAT. And I’ll also say that through this I know good and well that the Lord has a plan. And if that plan doesn’t look anything like what my heart desires then I pray my heart changes. I pray it every second of the day.
I don’t want to have to walk around faking my feelings.
The problem with feelings is that we have them ... and then we feel like we have to hide them.
That’s the problem with feelings.
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