i went to church sunday and cried. had no one else been around i probably would have cried really big crocodile tears but, there were people there ... and lots of them at that. so, i just sat there and cried little tears out of the outside corners of my eyes like oprah does. i’ve always wondered how she did that ... now i know.
they were happy tears ... this time.
during the normal prayer time, so many times before, i have sat in those same seats and cried tears of heartache and pain. tears of confusion and longing. there were times i sat there and made myself think of something to be sad about. something to cry about. i think i thought that if i was hurting enough to cry then the Lord would hear me louder and answer me faster.
that was dumb.
but this week i cried those little tears out of true elation for the fact that i wasn’t searching for what was wrong. instead i was praising Him for what is right. and not everything IS right. but my heart is different and things are not dark anymore. it feels so wonderful to not be where i used to be or WHO i used to be.
i have made this journey through life not quite as gracefully as i had hoped i would. i haven’t yet hit all the milestones i had hoped i would but i’m on the right path and that is really all that matters. i know, without any doubt my feet are exactly where they are supposed to be. yesterday has lead me to now and now will lead me to tomorrow.
this is exactly where i am supposed to be.
they were happy tears ... this time.
during the normal prayer time, so many times before, i have sat in those same seats and cried tears of heartache and pain. tears of confusion and longing. there were times i sat there and made myself think of something to be sad about. something to cry about. i think i thought that if i was hurting enough to cry then the Lord would hear me louder and answer me faster.
that was dumb.
but this week i cried those little tears out of true elation for the fact that i wasn’t searching for what was wrong. instead i was praising Him for what is right. and not everything IS right. but my heart is different and things are not dark anymore. it feels so wonderful to not be where i used to be or WHO i used to be.
i have made this journey through life not quite as gracefully as i had hoped i would. i haven’t yet hit all the milestones i had hoped i would but i’m on the right path and that is really all that matters. i know, without any doubt my feet are exactly where they are supposed to be. yesterday has lead me to now and now will lead me to tomorrow.
this is exactly where i am supposed to be.
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