will you stay?

i've had a few hard days. which makes me question so much about my life and things i could have done better. things i should have tried harder at. things i shouldn't have tried so hard at. things i shouldn't have said. thinks i should have said. and so on and so on. i find myself wondering if in my selfishness i have carved out a path for my life that is by my own doing and not the doing of my Creator.

but these thoughts are just my insecurities speaking. unfortunately i have insecure tendencies in my bones. i also have depressive tendencies. and sometimes when these forces combine i end up a mess. barely keeping my head above the water ... sometimes not even being able to do that.

i lose myself in situations. i find myself saying things i don't mean. feelings things i know i don't really feel and often times forcing my thoughts on those i love the most. thankfully, they always understand (or if they don't they pretend to). but as insecurities go, it's hard to not walk away from these situations wondering if you have wounded something so precious to you. it's hard to not questions if this time they are done with you. if this time they don't understand and don't WANT to understand anymore.

so as i reflect on mistakes and shortcomings. i pray for grace. i accept the grace the Lord has so willingly handed over to me and i pray the loves of my life can extend the same grace to me in my weakest moments.

so as you take the steps you need to fix yourself. i will do the same. i don't know what it all looks like but i know somewhere down the road it is beautiful and there is peace there. and i am there. and you are there. and we are there together.

will you stay with me until the end?