6 years ago, almost exactly, i started journaling online. i think i did it so that people would read my words or perhaps i did it as an outlet, i couldn't stay for sure. as i woke up this morning i was reminded of this journal and decided to sort through a few of the pages. i figured i would find a really immature, struggling, sad girl on those pages. i was astonished to find me there. not the past me. but the present me. it was just me there in those words. it was sobering to realize that i am still me after all these years.
in the pages that i did read from 2003 i found my heart smeared all over those pages with a lot more honesty than i ever write with now. i wasn't trying to sensor anything. i was just being honest and really mature about it actually. i always did feel like i was a little beyond my years.
the common thread through the last 6 years of journaling was that God will provide. i am amazed that during some of my darkest times i still kept coming back to the fact that, yes! he does provide. i am so comforted by the fact that when i thought my life was the most messed up i was still grounded in my faith.
so many funny things have happened in my life over the last 6 years. boys i never thought i would get over that i have somehow actually forgotten about :), school work i never thought i would get done and yet i graduated, feelings of insecurity that plagued my soul that i have overcome with a great vengeance. and as i reflect on the words of my 21 year old self i realize that it is true ... God will provide. he provided then. he is providing now and he will continue to provide in the future.
i can't wait to look back on my 27 year old self in 6 years and see that i was never alone. i was always provided for. and i have overcome.
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