día seis

i'm not a big fan of friday. i know that sounds really stupid but for some reason friday doesn't feel right for me. probably just something i have conditioned myself to feel. i think it's just the idea of the weekend and maybe not measuring up to what i think it should be. 

speaking of what i think things should be. why do i do that? why do i always create a way things should be in my mind? oh the mind and the tricks it plays. i'm trying to overcome these tricks. 

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i think i learn more about myself in the first 3 hours of my day than i do the rest of the day. the first bit of my day is me processing my thoughts and feelings. i talk to myself a lot. 

today i realized that i think too highly of myself. i think i deserve something because of the things i have been through in life. *pause*. stupid thought. i don't deserve anything. my life is what it is and has been what it has been. i don't deserve any more of less than anyone else. i honestly can't believe i even admitted to these thoughts out loud but i am just trying to be real here. so this is me being real.

i pray to be humble. i never thought i'd say that. i always thought i was. when you dig deep in yourself you find things you didn't think you would. you also find things you don't want to find. proceed with caution when you start diggin'!!!!!!!!!!!!

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patience should be my middle name. i'm not saying i have it. i'm not saying i am good at being patient. but i am saying that it is something i have to battle with every day. 

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get thee behind me Satan. you are not worth my time.