who we are ... and why we do what we do

this morning on my drive to work i thought about how much time i waste wishing my days away. as a 26 year old, working, single woman i find myself wishing things were different all the time. sure ... i'd keep some things the same but for the most part i'd rearrange all the puzzle pieces to fit like i want them to. even if that meant squishing that one piece into the place you know it doesn't go, but you want to go there so badly. 

everyday i wish i made more money, i wish i had a husband (or at least a boyfriend), i wish i had more friends, i wish i understood myself better, i wish i lived closer to home ... i wish i wish i wish ... and that is where i find myself hours later, not even remembering what the sunrise looked like, or what my niece's laugh sounded like, or my mother's voice when she told me she loved me. 

i don't want to wish it all away. i want to soak it all in and never lose a moment. i've spend so many years thinking that "in a few years things will be different" only to find myself in so many of the same places years and years later. so this is where it has to stop and start. i must stop wishing it all away and start living in the perfect present moment. 

i was reminded of who we are and why we do what we do yesterday and today and i watched steven curtis chapman and his family not only speak of their tragic loss of their daughter, but how they unabashedly spoke the truth of the who the Lord is into american homes all over this nation. they reminded me of the fact that we are not here to make more money, have a husband or any of the other earthly things i wish for. we are here to show the love of the Lord to all we meet no matter our personal circumstances. we are not called to just show this to non-christians but everyone and all the time. 

i'll be the first to admit that my actions, words and facial expressions don't always show the love of anything or anyone ... much less the creator of the universe. much less of a man who hung on a cross so that my life could be lived. and this is something i must change ... not my job, not my marital status ... but my heart. 

i am amazed that the people the Lord anoints to speak to the world. i am pretty sure that steven curtis chapman was one of the first tapes we owned growing up. and he changed our lives then and he does it again now. he sang about God's strength being perfect when our strength is gone, he spoke about how God is God and i am not, he spoke about being still and knowing that God is God ... and each one of those songs through the last 20 years of his career have made a mark on my heart. his songs have been a timeline for my heart and where it is and over the last 2 days his life has spoken to mine, once again, but in his actions (and the actions of his wonderful family) and not his songs. i pray i can only be half as faithful to the Lord and half as vocal about why i live and why i do the things i do. 

my life isn't always the perfect example but each day is new. and each day the Lord gives his mercy. and tomorrow as my feet hit the floor i will pray that i will be a small instrument in the future of the kingdom of the Lord.

who are you ... and why do you do what you do?