2.13.2014

31

Exactly one year ago today I wrote these words, "As I look forward to the next year I hope it isn’t as easy. I hope that I have a few bruises to show after it’s over because I believe that fighting for things, especially things you believe in, are worth it. I’m up for a good challenge this next year because I’ve had this wonderful year to rest up and be prepared for what is to come."

It's a good thing I got that rest because 31 was a year to remember. Very shortly into the year I knew the winds of change were blowing. I knew it was time for me to make some moves and pursue some dreams. I got the word out and things started falling together. 


By June I was in the interview process for a job and my house was on the market. It all came together really quickly from there and here I am, a few months later, living my dream.


It's really wonderful to be able to say that at the age of 31 I am exactly where I've always wanted to be. It took some time and tears to get here, but I am here. I'm proud of myself and I'm grateful to everyone who helped me get here. 


This year has been rewarding and kind to me. I have seen myself in a different light and seen myself in my brightest and best moments yet. 


Tomorrow begins 32. For some reason that number looks really large to me right now and perhaps even a little scary. What will this next year bring? Will it bring another year of rest? Or another year of dreams coming true?


Either way - I am thankful to have had another year to share my life with all of you. I am grateful for another year of knowing the Lord better and feeling his heart beat closer and closer to mine.


I adore you all and cannot thank you enough for your support of the last year. I couldn't have done it without you! 


"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." Oprah Winfrey 


10.30.2013

Taking Up Space

The thing is this … I matter. You matter. We all matter.

But sometimes it feels like we’re just taking up space.

Don’t you feel that way sometimes? Like it wouldn’t REALLY matter if we were here are not.
I’m not saying I don’t want to be here. Don’t hear that. I do. I want to be here. I’m just saying that sometimes I’m not sure that me being here is making a big difference.

I heard somewhere that my generation feels really entitled to be something. Like we feel like we deserve to be great and powerful and if we don’t get that we can’t handle it and we turn into crazy people who do weird and terrible things.

Wanting to be something and striving to be that is good and fine in moderation, but in reality – some of us aren’t going to be great and powerful. Some of us are going to be normal and ordinary. Some of us aren’t going to be on the face of a magazine or be the CEO of a company. Some of us will sit behind a desk 40+ hours a week just to make ends meet because life didn’t turn out like we dreamed when we were 15 (or 20 or 25 or 30). That’s just the honest truth.

I wonder what it would be like to really wrap our head around the fact that some of us aren’t going to be great? How is it that we are supposed to feel needed and desired in a generation where everyone wants great, but we aren’t great?


Rock, meet hard place.  

8.22.2013

I'm Here!

It’s true. I am here. And right now here is Charlotte.

For those of you who only follow my blog, I now work for NASCAR in Charlotte. Which, from my previous post, you know was my dream. Somehow in a matter of a couple of months my house was sold and I got offered the job of my dreams. This was nothing of my own doing, but only the perfect plan of the Lord.
As I’ve sat and thought about everything since it’s happened, I am amazing at how the Lord’s plan for my life has played out. I think about all the things that had to happen to get me to this place. I see how that most of the heartache in my life actually has, indeed, landed me here. I think about all the nights I cried myself to sleep because I was alone or was single. I wondered then what purpose it had and why it was happening to me. And now I know … because had all of those things I wanted to badly in the moment actually happened … they would have kept me somewhere else – thus keeping me from this place.
Had that little boy I had a crush on in Kosciusko when I was in the third grade actually liked me back and not told me “he would rather lick the bleachers than like me” … I might have stayed in Kosciusko and married my childhood sweetheart. Had the boy I liked in high school actually been what the Lord wanted for me, I probably would have held on to him and married him and gone wherever he wanted to go. Had I never gotten laid off from my job in my 20’s I probably would still be there and I wouldn’t be here.
So you see, it all just works out. There will be hurt and there will be tears and there will be things said to God you wish you’d never said because you are angry. But oh my goodness, my darling friends, there is healing on the other side of that hurt and there are smiles once the tears go away, and there is joy … so much joy … on the other side of it all.

I’m not starting over. The foundation has been laid. I’m just continuing here on the journey that has been laid out for me. I’m going to keep running after my Father with open arms. Will there be hurt and anger and tears again? I’m sure there will be, but in the end I know I’ll be exactly where I am supposed to be.
… and for me that’s all that matters.

I am here. I am happy. I am thankful.

6.13.2013

Peace That Passes All Understanding

It’s been almost 4 months since my last blog. I’d say I’m sorry but I’m really not. The truth is that if I had written you would have been bored. I would have just been trying to put together words that made no sense, but today I think I have some thoughts that actually do make some kind of sense.

Since I last wrote I’ve made a few decisions in my life. Pretty big ones too in the life of a young woman. I put my house on the market and I’ve decided to look into my options outside of Nashville. I’ve been here 11 years. 11 really wonderful years, but I feel like now might be the time to see IF perhaps the Lord has other plans for me. Please notice that I said IF. I’m not closing any doors. I’m not quitting my job. I’m not doing anything drastic or dramatic. I’m just trying to see if there are any windows open anywhere. My dream is to work for NASCAR or a NASCAR team in the Charlotte area so I’m [very unsuccessfully] looking into that. :) But let’s be honest. Change can really be strange and stressful and just flat out scary.


So, I was driving home from Kroger last night about 7:15 when I had this overwhelming physical feeling of pure and utter joy. I felt it from my head to my toes and for a minute I was really caught off guard. Why in the world was I so happy? Was it the 3 peaches, 3 plumbs and tub of watermelon I had just purchased from the grocery store? I mean, I really wanted some fruit but I didn’t know I was THAT excited about it. Turns out it wasn’t the fruit (although it did prove to be very delicious). After a few seconds of thinking about it, a huge smile came to my face when I realized that the feeling I was feeling was peace. Straight up, God given, God breathed peace. The kind that transcends all understanding.


For me it was a nod from the Lord that I was doing His will. I was doing what I needed to be doing to walk the path he has planned out for me. The best part of it all, for the most part all I am doing is being still. There is a time in our lives when we are stuck in between praying for God’s will and seeing it come to fruition. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do with the in-between time. I’ve found it best to just be still .... and to know ... know that He is God. I have found great peace in this place. And that is what I was feeling last night.


Man, I’ve been through some junk in my 31 years in life, but you know what? Every last second was worth it. I know right now, in this moment, that there wasn’t a wasted second so far in my life. It has all brought me to this place that I know to be exactly where I am supposed to be.


Will I sell my house? Will I get my dream job with NASCAR? Will I live in Nashville for 50 more years? I don’t know ... and honestly if it doesn’t all work out it’ll be ok. I’ll be exactly where I’m supposed to be and I’ll know by the peace the Lord provides in the times and the ways I need it most.

2.24.2013

Hallowed Be Thy Name

Have you ever listened to an hour long sermon without looking at your watch?

I'm going to be honest, I haven't ... until today. My home church here had a guest speaker so I decided not to drive to Brentwood for the service this morning. (I know. I know.) So I decided to listen to Passion City Church out of Atlanta. I chose the sermon from last week that Louie Giglio preached.
You can find the sermon here: http://www.passioncitychurch.com/watch#PCC-021713-V2

It was an hour long y'all. An hour. And I didn't even blink at it ... I got caught up in it and so convicted of so many things.

The main thing I realized was how screwed up my prayer life is. My constant prayers are dedicated to what the Lord can do for me. And when He doesn't do for me ... I get frustrated or angry. So much so that I've found myself in a constant state of frustration lately. I've found myself in a really dark place the last few weeks out of totally frustration for the place I am at in my life right now.

I never dreamed this is what my life would be at 31. So I constantly pray that the Lord will change my circumstances. That he will change me. That all of a sudden I'll get the man of my dreams and the house of my dreams and the perfect kitchen shelving (to display my vintage Pyrex) of my dreams. Those are the things I'm praying for y'all.

But I forgot the main thing. I have completely forgotten to acknowledge the greatness of God, first and formost. I have totally forgotten to worship Him in my prayers. I'm embarrassed at myself for this. I'm sad that I've gotten so consumed with my feelings and the earthly things that I desire that I have forgotten that His kingdom is first.

Matthew 6:8 says "... your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask it!"

This hit me like a ton of bricks. To me this means that I don't even HAVE to ask. I can spend my time in focused prayer glorifying the one and only Lord of Lords. Praising Him for all that He was and is and will be. I can spend this time in joyful adoration to Him.

I don't even have to ask. Most likely the things I'm asking for are not even close to the glorious things He will provide so I don't even have to bother. God is more than just a giving machine and He deserves more from me than constant begging and asking. My hopes and dreams do not compare to His glory.

This isn't going to be easy but I feel very certain that this is something that needs to change in my life. My attitude lately hasn't been a reflection of the Lord in any shape or form.

So I'll reflect on these things and try my hardest to shift my thinking towards the Holy God.

How will my attitude change when He and His kingdom are first and formost in my mind? How will my desires change? How will my relationships change? How will I change?

Our Father which art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.