what i know for sure

in every issue of o magazine, oprah has a column called "what i know for sure". i was thinking the other day what i would write if i was her. how would i come up with so many things that i know for sure? there is a lot i think i know for sure but i just wonder ... what do i really know for sure. so here is what i know for sure ... today ....

there are a lot of hurting people in the world. 2 of my closest friends have lost something very precious to them over the last couple of months. they are hurting. they are in serious pain. pain that is transforming who they are. another couple of friends are still grieving a loss of a loved one. i know someone who just lost their job, i struggle with money and loneliness, i know a family who have worked their whole lives as hard as they could only to be struggling now, and i know a Father who watches His children fail time after time ... all of us are hurting. there is hurt in a fallen world. this is one thing i know for sure.

i don't have all the answers and i never will. i don't understand how or why. my heart breaks with my friends as if it were my own pain. i see their eyes and i feel what they feel. the hardest thing when you are hurting is allowing others to help you carry your load. i don't know if we feel like we need to be punished or if we deserve the pain, but i just wish my friends would let me carry a little bit of their load for them. my current pain is nothing compared ... i can take it. i want to help. why won't they let me help?

for all the pain there is love. i can do few things right in my life but one thing i believe i can do is love. do i love too much ... to hard sometimes? yes. i do. and in this process of loving people who might not really want it i find my intentions lost in translation. i want to get my point across so badly. i want everyone to be loved like they deserve. there were so many times a little love would have healed it all.

i suppose just as i know that there is hurt in this world i also know i cannot fix it. all i can do is lean on the understanding that the Lord will never leave us. he will never let us down and he will never give us more than we can handle ... no matter what our current circumstances might be telling us.

so what i know for sure is that there is pain BUT there is love and there is comfort in the arms of our Savior. no matter your pain. or your loss. or your confusion ... there is hope. allow people to help you along the way. trust the Lord and don't allow the darkness to take over. the new light that will be given to you soon will be brighter than any you have ever seen before ... it's not worth giving up now ...

this i know for sure.

football

played football sunday ... by the lake, with some wonderful people.
beautiful day. beautiful friends.

from here to there

where did this week go? wow.

last saturday i got on a plane and flew to orlando. took the magical shuttle bus to disney world. got to hang out with my bff manwell and then met up with merry love. we went to another resort at disney and got to see sara, a friend merry and i graduated with. it was so fun to see someone after 10 years. i love seeing people who deserve to be happy ... actually happy.

then me and merry love and manwell went to the movies and saw the new michael jackson movie. it was really good. what a talent he was.

next day it was up and at it early. merry love and i spent the whole day at disney world. we tackled 3 parks in one day and did it very successfully. i can now say i have been to disney world. it is such a wonderful place and i cannot wait to take my nieces there ... and hopefully my own children someday.

monday i was up early again to head downtown orlando to check into my hotel for work. beautiful hotel. i took my first ever american taxi to the hotel. uneventful really. picked up katherine (the art director at work) from the airport and then headed back to the hotel to get ready for group 1 crew to come in for their fitting for their photoshoot (which was the primary reason for my trip).

fitting done. dinner and the mall with manwell, katherine and david (the stylist). laughter. high fives. ufc. bed.

another early morning the next morning for the photoshoot. blanca, pablo, manwell, zuly and josh are so stinking funny. love them. the photographer was manwell's best friend. we have been communicating through work for over a year a half and i finally got to meet him! he and his wife were the sweetest and the day was just wonderful!

the trip was great. the photoshoot was great. pieces of my mental puzzle were put together. my friends are wonderful and if i could all drag them back here i would.

thanks to everyone who made the trip great.

now i am home. love my house! i love it more and more all the time. it is home. i've been in this house for almost 2 years ... can you even believe it?

and that is where my week went.

6 months

6 months ago today i wrote this, "so today .... starts my 6 months. i'm giving up all of my desires and fears and insecurities to the Lord and letting Him take me where He wants me to go. i know on October 28, 2009 i won't be the same person i am today. i know it."

today is october 28th. my 6 months has come and gone and the Lord has changed me. i am am not the same person i was the day i wrote that. are all of my problems fixed? are all of my insecurities gone? not at all, but everything has changed. and it is wonderful.

i wrote a list of things i wanted the Lord to do in my life in the 6 months of surrender and one of those things was "bring more laughter into my life." i would say this is the one that stands out the most for me. laughter changes so much. and i have had the wonderful opportunity to find people who bring laughter into my life on a regular basis. i'm so thankful for the healing power of laughter.

though the 6 months have come and gone my surrender does not stop. it continues in a new way. in an eternal way.

how thankful i am for the healing of my heart. the joy of the Lord and the power of friendship.

these 6 months have taught me a lifetime worth of lessons.

I realized today how important it is to be physically, spiritually and mentally healthy. I have such a hard time balancing all 3. I find myself good in one or two of the areas and then struggling in the others. When one is out of line it all is a little messed up.

My struggle lately is the physical aspect. I have been less than physically fit lately. I've become so lazy or too busy and it must stop. I have to care about my body as much as my mind and spirit. My goal is to start working out in the mornings. Small steps. Those seem to be the best way for me to get where I want to go.

Let the journey begin.

getting older.

if i would blog more people would actually know what is going on with me. i know. i need to get better about it. and i need to post pictures. i'll try harder.

so what's happening lately? well the 2 biggest things are my lack of motivation to go to the gym and the lack of funds in my bank account. nice huh? i'm trying to get a grip on both.

the weather here in nashville is wonderful. perfect in my opinion. it's fall and fall always makes me happy.

oh i got scammed on the internet this weekend. yep. tried to sell my blackberry on ebay so i could buy an iphone. someone bought it. got an email from paypal saying it had been paid for. went and bought the iphone. realized i didn't fully understand the email i got from paypal. called them. found it was a scam. returned the iphone.

sad but true. i don't mind learning lessons the hard way sometimes.

i'm 27. can anyone tell me why the skin on my neck looks like a 50 year old? why do i have to get older?

headed to orlando again in a couple of week for a photoshoot for work. i'm going a little early to have some time to play. i hope the weather is nice there.

well. that is all. random ... yes.

love.

everyone has a story

it's the truth. everyone has a story. some are really bad. some are really good.

most of the time we don't think people want to hear our story for whatever reason.

i personally LOVE hearing people's stories. for me hearing someone's life story opens a window to that person. even if they don't tell you their innermost secrets just knowing a few details of someone's life allows you to start putting the puzzle pieces together that make up who that person is.

i'll be honest. i think it takes people about 3-4 times of hanging out with me before they "get" me. our first meeting is nice and fun but more than likely i won't fully be myself. the second visit again will be fun but this time around i might really try too hard to impress you. see, i've met you once already so i have to live up to that first time. and then the third time we hang out i think you'll start to get a grasp of who i really am. my story starts to come out and i start making a little more sense. or i hope i do.

so, a story is important.

i was reading people.com today and saw an article about tyler perry. i think he is fantastic. he makes funny movies with a real story behind them. he seems to have a genuine passion for people and faith and life. in the article i read it gave a link to a blog on his website. in the blog he told parts of his story. the things he told were heartbreaking. there was abuse and other terrible things. BUT out of it we get the tyler perry we know today. a lovely man with a wonderful story to tell.

my story is all the opposite of his. i grew up in a lovely home with wonderful parents who never would have hurt me for the world. i have a sister who loves the heck out of me. my family is love. i have never doubted that.

my school years were rough. i was teased a lot and never fully fit in. i had some of the "worst days of my life" in high school. ha. looking back i can laugh. college wasn't much different for me and now as i'm getting older lots has changed and yet lots seems to stay the same. these are the parts of my story i am desperate to change.

i have self confidence issues that come from somewhere. i love too much. i share too much. i have 1,000 crushes at a time. i have weight issues. i like to sing in the car and pretend i am trying out for american idol. i never think i am dressed cute enough. i want long and short hair all at once. i am a complex mess.

i've loved my story thus far. it isn't all roses at all. everyday i never know what will be written for me but all the same i am thankful for my story.

we all have a story. and it's worth telling. take time today to listen to someone's story. really listen to it. it might really change who you are and in turn it might really change who they are.

so really what i am saying is that everyone has a story that needs to be told and needs to be heard.